Hey guys!!!
Is it annoying that I start every post with that?? Probably. Am I gonna keep doing it?? Absolutely!!!!
So what’s new in Bachelor Nation this week??
First, we seems as though our king Chris Harrison has found a girlfriend. Turns out he’s seeing Lauren Zima from ET. I mean, that should be me but I guess I’m happy for him.
Next on the list, Shawn Booth went on the Almost Famous podcast this week to give his side of the breakup story. Maybe now we can all move on. However, I will say that he seemed very sincere in his feelings of pain, especially when he talked about Kaitlyn moving on. I feel as though most times there is a blind following of support behind Kaitlyn because people seem upset with his side of things. Everyone would be upset seeing their ex in a new relationship, ESPECIALLY one that has been so public like Kaitlyn and Jason. So I will choose to stay neutral and pray that we all finally move on.
Last, but certainly not least, our beloved Jade and Tanner Tolbert are expecting baby #2 this coming August!! I, for one, am excited to see another Emmy running around soon. I’m also excited to see what happens to Ashley I’s wedding since she (rudely) asked them to stop trying so Tanner could officiate.
Actual last bit of news: I started an Instagram to go along with blogging!! I don’t totally know where I’m going with it or what I should be doing, but we’re gonna go along on this journey together!!! So give me a follow at either @bachelorchirps or @morganbowen_ and on Twitter if you don’t already @bachelorchirps!!!
Alright now onto the good stuff!
We’re promised shirtless Colton and Demi being Demi. In personal news, I have decided to now protect Demi at all costs because of this:
It opens with two girls with no names (that matter) complaining about the ~drama~ and hoping for dates this week. Yawn.
The first date card arrives. It’s a group date for Katie, Heather, Hannah B, Courtney, Kirpa, Tracy, Demi, and Caelynn. The whole time Onyeka reads the date card, Hannah does a voiceover to complain about Caelynn. Then she plasters the worst fake smile I have ever seen on her face to “hide” her disappointment.
https://twitter.com/kellieemonahan/status/1087516454407290881
The group date is … pirate themed??? And for some reason all the girls are very excited about it. Some failed theater kids (adults) are putting on a show. Chris and Cindy teach the girls how to be pirates. But first, wardrobe change. Demi starts belly dancing and Tracy glares at her. I’m glad we’re all growing as people.
Hannah and Caelynn duel and Hannah wins. She does her weird smile again and thinks she’s gonna win. Meanwhile, Colton and Caelynn are flirting hardcore right next to her. Have I mentioned that I’m Team Caelynn???
Chris and Cindy choose Tracy and Caelynn to duel it out for Colton’s heart. I’m mostly glad Hannah didn’t win.
An audience files in???? Out of nowhere???? Tracy puts her crazy eyes on and they start “dueling.” Caelynn comes out the winner and they kiss in front of the crowd while Hannah sits and pouts. She self-describes as spiraling and says Colton needs to get to know the “real Caelynn” tonight.
It’s time for the night portion!
Colton goes off with Katie first and he seems to really like her! They tease each other and giggle and talk about their favorite things and make out! Katie says she really likes him and he says it back and honestly I’m kind of here for it.
Back in the group, Demi speculates about his type. This s triggering for Tracy who thinks it’s immature to have a type. Demi retaliates by saying older women should be a little worried surrounded by all these younger women which makes 22-year-old Heather giggle. Tracy uptalks her objections but Demi doesn’t care. Tracy definitely talks down to Demi so good for her to putting Tracy in her place.
Demi goes to interrupt Courtney and immediately gets aggressively sexual toward Colton and does her weird laugh. She blindfolds Colton and then spanks him with a wooden paddle??? She also has a fake hand for some reason and uses it to touch Colton in inappropriate spots.
https://twitter.com/BrettSVergara/status/1087520107176345600
Courtney, meanwhile is freaking out and on the verge of tears thinking about being interrupted. As soon as Demi comes back and literally as her butt touches the couch, Courtney asks to go talk. Demi rolls her eyes which further cements her as my queen. God, I can’t wait for Paradise.
Courtney tells Demi she needs to be more aware of her voice or her actions or something and Demi laughs in her face and tells her she’s going to be herself. My queen.
Caelynn’s turn!! She has a really nice talk with Colton about their relationship and only their relationship and they kiss and it’s wonderful. He seems to reeeeeally like Caelynn.
Meanwhile, Hannah whispers to Heather about how horrible Caelynn is. She would know because they “used to be friends.” Heather says Hannah should tell him her worries. That’s a power move on Heather’s part. Everyone knows to NEVER talk about another girl in the house!!!! Hannah B is “befumbled” at the idea of Colton possibly having feelings for Caelynn. Apparently Caelynn isn’t being genuine (sounds fake but okay).
Hannah sits down with Colton and immediately jumps into her attack on Caelynn. She whispers about how living with Caelynn was the most hostile environment she’s ever been in. She really doesn’t have a clear answer to what exactly about Caelynn she doesn’t like, which sounds like pettiness to me. THEN she says that if that’s what Colton likes, then he couldn’t possibly like Hannah as well. She literally sounds crazy and you can tell Colton is extremely turned off by the conversation.
Hannah apologizes as if she just spilled all the tea and really did something. But he says he needs to think about things and gives her a hug. She goes in for a kiss and he dodges it but then she asks for “at least a peck.” Like, sweetie you sound desperate please quit while you’re ahead. Except she’s literally not ahead.
Colton goes to talk to Caelynn again which seems to make Hannah happy, thinking she convinced Colton to send her home with one 5 minute chat. Colton tells her basically exactly what Hannah said and Caelynn defends herself and gets very emotional about personal stories that she didn’t want to bring up in this group date environment. Spoiler: she talks about it on the next episode.
Colton walks back into the main area alone and Hannah can barely contain her happiness, thinking Caelynn was sent home. WELL JOKES ON HER!!!! Colton grabs the rose and leaves to offer it to Caelynn. I’m Colton is able to see past the bullshit. He makes her feel comforted by telling her he wants to focus on their relationship and that he’s glad she saved him from the pirate ship.
Caelynn returns to the group in tears and Demi asks if everything is okay and is very understanding when Caelynn isn’t ready to open up!!! I stan my supportive queen.
The 1-on-1 date is for my red headed queen Elyse!!!!
Before her date, the beauty queens both talk to different people and cry. I just wanna say, that of course Hannah and Heather are friends. Two young and immature people. I’m oooooover it.
Elyse and Colton get on a helicopter to fly to San Diego!!! Elyse keeps looking at Colton lovingly and I love her so much. The Bachelor rented out an entire amusement park (Belmont Park) just for the two of them!!! OR SO SHE THOUGHT!!!! Colton tells Elyse that this is actually a group date. Colton invited a bunch of children from a local hospital to join them. It’s probably one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen.
Both of them are so good with all the kids. Most of the kids have never been to an amusement park and they’re all so excited. Some of the young girls give Colton some advice and one even says she already had her first kiss!!! She has more experience than Heather!!!
If the rides and games weren’t enough, Colton and Elyse go scoop ice cream for all the kids. Elyse gives an extra scoop to her favorite girl. I’m crying.
The adults go on the roller coaster and kiss at the top before the drop. This date is everything to me.
At dinner, it’s time to open up to each other!! Elyse was glad to see a side of him that made her forget about their age difference. She opens up to him about the death of her sister who was pregnant when she found out she had a quickly growing tumor. She put the baby first which resulted in her death and her family, including her two nieces and/or nephews and their father, starting a charity in her sister’s name. It’s called Sarah’s Closet which donates things to newborns.
Between the children and the heartwarming story, Colton clearly feels a connection here and offers her the rose. She says yes, they kiss, and then they go off into the night to dance to a country artist I don’t know or care to know. In conclusion, I am in love with Elyse.
The last group date is for Tayshia, Nina, Catherine, Sydney, Onyeka, Cassie, Nicole and Caitlin. Hannah G didn’t get a date and she’s worried he doesn’t like her. Sweetie, you didn’t get the first impression rose for no reason. Be positive.
The date starts with Colton lifting a large tire next to an Amtrack railroad which is apparently a manly thing to do. I don’t understand exercise. Nicole says she’s not the most athletic of the bunch but she walks her dog. I wish I even did that.
https://twitter.com/lauraleegrace/status/1087531937642749952
They walk into a gym and Terry and Rebecca Crews are waiting inside to train them how to have as many muscles as the two of them combined. I’m obsessed with them. There’s a lot of not important stuff that happens on this date so we’re gonna go through rapid fire.
- Catherine is weirdly strong. She apparently took Karate??
- Nicole can’t do a pull up. I think we’re the same person
- Sydney has Colton help her stretch which makes the other girls jealous.
- It makes Cassie say “Colton’s not a stretching virgin anymore” and that should never have been said out loud in history
- There’s another audience for a strongest women competition.
- All you win is a trophy, not even a rose
- CHRIS HARRISON AND FRED WILLARD ARE DOING THE COMMENTARY
- This needs to be a thing that happens every week honestly
- I love these two so much
- Onyeka ran track in high school
- Nicole takes her shirt off for more attention since she’s bad at being strong
- She can’t even move thing in the first event
- Catherine lifts a whole ass tire like it’s nothing
- Sydney also lifts it with a little more difficulty but she’s a ~dancer~ so she’s strong and does one of those annoying cheerleader kicks when she’s done
- Tayshia has to pull a literally limo
- It literally doesn’t move
- Caitlin also has to move the limo
- It moves a lot
- It was definitely in drive when it was her turn
- Catherine, Sydney and Onyeka are the finalists.
- Onyeka wins and she thinks that means she automatically gets the rose but sweetie no.
Nighttime portion time!!!
- Everyone feels pressured
- Nicole talks about the strong women in her life including her grandma who fled Cuba like a badass
- Colton gets excited by Nicole
- Onyeka gets to eat the cake she apparently pushed in the competition. Doesn’t seem sanitary.
- Cassie is awkward apparently
- They make out
- Caitlin talks to Colton but he’s not feeling it!!!!
- She wants to open up about things but she’s too happy!!!!
- Colton tries to drive the conversation but it’s just not working
- He sends her home on the spot and she does NOT like that.
- He was very nice but she doesn’t want to hold his hand on the walk out (understandably)
- Nicole gets the group date rose while Caitlin has a dramatic meltdown in the voiceover
The next day, tensions are high and Chris Harrison arrives to tell everyone that Colton cancelled the cocktail party….
….
….
for a pool party all day.
We’re doing rapid fire again because it’s all just so much
- Everyone needs time today so they can secure that rose
- Hannah needs to “clear the air” so he doesn’t think she’s horrible (she is)
- Demi lathers Colton up in oil
- He’s literally gonna be so sunburned but okay
- Someone flips a floatie carrying Hannah B and she falls in the pool and spills her drink.
- Lol
- Hannah G didn’t get a date so she needs reassurance
- He gives her reassurance
- SHE’S WEARING A SCRUNCHIE
- I officially love Hannah G.
- Hannah and Heather talk more about Caelynn
- Hannah “has a monster inside her”
- She makes this face for way too long:
- Caelynn starts to tell Colton about her past with Hannah in a very sincere way
- She implies that Hannah turned when Caelynn placed higher than her at the Miss USA pageant
- She also says that she wants to be here for Colton and focus on her relationship with him instead of worrying about other drama
- “Manipulative” and “toxic” were words used to describe Hannah
- Hannah’s turn!!!!
- Colton throws Caelynn under the bus which pisses Hannah off
- She says she’s not deceitful or manipulative
- Caelynn’s the one who’s manipulative and fake!!!!
- Sounds like the same exact story from the other side to me
- “Just freaking trust me, I’m telling you the truth” she says
- That sounds convincing!!!!
- Colton doesn’t know what to do
- The producers do don’t worry
- Most of the girls haven’t gotten a chance to talk to Colton at the party because of Hannah so everyone’s on edge.
Rose ceremony time!!!! Hannah is convinced that she used to have the strongest connection with Colton.
The roses this week are for Caelynn, Elyse, Nicole, Hannah G, Tayshia, Katie, Cassie, Kirpa, Sydney, Demi, Tracy, Courtney, Heather, Onyeka and Hannah B.
I expected more from Catherine and I am very disappointed. Goodbye to the queen of Botox. It probably would have worn off by the end anyway.
Also, we’re literally not surprised Hannah B got the last rose. Producers really need to step up their game because OF COURSE they wouldn’t send her home anywhere other than a 2-on-1.
Next week we have drama and and emotional Caelynn story that Hannah will probably try to turn against her!!!! Can’t wait!!!!
Thanks for reading and don’t forget to tell me how much you love me and my blog!!!
Xoxo,
Morgan
Bachelor Chirps 